What Not To Do: the Acceptability of Female Companionships

Since romantic friendships were the norm, etiquette books dedicated paragraphs, sections, and even whole chapters to discuss what type of behavior would be, or would not be, appropriate. In the 1905 revised edition of the 1897 book “What a Young Girl Ought to Know,” Mrs. Mary Wood–Allen, M.D. advises girls that “it doesn’t look well to see girls and women kissing each other in public spaces.” As for the boys, those should not be kissed “publicly or privately” [emphasis added]. This view is consistent with the early standards for romantic friendships in which women were to appear appropriately in public, but how they conducted their relationship behind closed doors was not of the utmost concern.[1]

However, as scientists like Havelock Ellis, a sexologist, began to appear and sexology itself pushed for recognition from the larger medical community, homosexuality became an issue. Romantic friendships gained a renewed and considerably negative attention. In her 1922 book Sex and Common Sense, A. Maude Royden, a suffragist herself, dedicates the entire chapter “Friendship” to the ails of homosexuality — to which point does a ‘friendship’ become too ‘absorbing’, she inquires. “Homosexual tendencies”, she advises, are not a sin, but acting upon them are.[1] Nonetheless, as the pushback against same-sex relationship rises, so do female companionships. More than ever, women turn to each other for emotional support, life partnerships, and sexual relationships.[2]